Dmitry’s “advanced” chicken salad

Dmitry is on the HUNT for PROTEIN

that doesn’t take the form of beans or cafeteria food!

When we were first years* Dmitry used to eat these little tins of Vienna Sausages that his parents bought him — “you won’t starve with them!” — but now he is on the quest for more delicious, more nutritious forms of meat.

He tried tofu, but is worried about eating too much of it. He likes protein powder but it is $$expensive$$. And sometimes a boy just gets tired of frozen turkey balls.

If only we could eat this all the time.

So he tried making some chicken salad.

Dear readers, fear not. Dmitry’s advanced chicken salad is actually the easiest recipe ever. It’s good for sandwiches and quick lunches, & though I think it needs more acidity he really likes it.

Ingredients (approximately – he actually didn’t measure anything)

– 4 cups of chicken

– 4 stalks celery

– 1 c. green onions

– 1 1/2 cups of artichoke hearts and their liquid (these were supposed to be green olives. improvising!)  

– 2/3 cup mayonnaise (“thank God it’s low fat”) 

– “a couple teaspoons” of lemon – or one very large slice

– 1 1/2 tbs spicy mustard

– a little salt & pepper – don’t add too much salt though! There’s salt in the ingredients already! 

It’s easy! 

Step 1: Chop everything up into bite size pieces

Step 2: Mix it all together

Step 3: Get your tub of Mayo and glob it in! Dmitry just approximated it and then licked the spoon while reading the nutrition facts. (Cue my horrified face!)

Step 3.5: go back to your room to pick up all the ingredients that you forgot

Step 4: Add yer mustard and yer lemon juice, yer salt and yer pepper and mix it together. Exclaim “man this seems like a lot of mayonnaise!”

Verdict: YUM

Dmitry is pleased — “Man, can I make a chicken salad or what!

He can dear readers, he can.

*our school doesn’t have freshman, WUT

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